When the Mouse Is Away
by Ruia
Summary: ...the kitty will play. Or something like that. Malik decides to 'clean' Ryou's house while he's at school and wages war on a box. MalikRyou


Title: When the Mouse is Away…

Author: Ruia

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Malik/Ryou

Warnings: Boy-boy love, fluff, probably OOC-ness (I try. Unfortunately, trying and succeeding are two very different things), curse words, sexual innuendo… I think that's it.

Disclaimers: I don't own YuGiOh!, Gundam Wing, or anything else in this that might be affiliated with something else I don't own… 

Inspired in part by _Dharma and Greg _and Duckie-chan (Happy incredibly belated birthday). Absolutely pointless fluff and a bad attempt at humor.

Malik POV

Here's how it all starts: a box. An innocent looking gray metal _damnable locked box! _

…Ahem, but I get ahead of myself. 

"Ryou!"

_Technically, _it starts here. Here would be me using the extra key Ryou gave me to get into his house. But the box comes in soon. It's the whole crux of the situation, really.

"Ryou!"

Okay, he said he was going out, and he really meant it. Good. That gives me time to get his little 'surprise' ready. I kick the door shut behind me, slip off my shoes, and start up the stairs while gripping my cleaning supplies in my hands. 

…So if I want to be honest with myself, this is more a present for me and less a present for Ryou. But whoever said I liked being honest? Especially with myself.

Anyway, back to me and my careful examination of Ryou's house. It's highly important that I make sure no one else is here… What kind of boyfriend would I be if I started cleaning Ryou's house and someone was in here stealing things and I didn't know it?

…Don't shake your head at me. It could _happen. Haven't you ever watched the news?_

All right, so after working my way through Ryou's house from top to bottom, I trudge back upstairs. No one was here after all… except me, that is. And won't Ryou be surprised when he finds out.  
  


I decide to start my little cleaning escapade in Ryou's room. Why? Because I can. Truthfully (and if you want to know how I feel about being truthful, you can just refer yourself to my previous thoughts on honesty), Ryou's room isn't all that… unsanitary. It's rather neat, with just a few personal touches here and there to make it Ryou's.

So why, you might ask, am I even bothering to clean it at all?

It may not be _unsanitary, _but I don't consider anything clean until everything is at right angles and every inch as been inspected with a magnifying glass.

Which I will start doing as soon as I finish rooting around his drawers.

"Just wild beat communication," I sing softly to myself as I search through drawer after drawer. I picked it up from that damn… anime Ryou keeps watching over and over. I think he's trying to 'impart the joys of a wonderful storyline, good drawing and characterization, and pretty boys' to me. Or so he keeps saying. I can't really understand it (they're drawings! I've got all the pretty boy I need right next to me… er, well, I will when he comes home), and I've resorted to tuning him out by now. He may _look quiet, but it's my (highly regarded professional) opinion that sometimes he just likes to hear himself talk._

"His drawers are clean," I declare. Then I scowl. Yes, _scowl. Not pout like a lost kitten-- you hear that Ryou?! …Ahem. Anyway, yes, I am scowling. I've thoroughly searched through all his drawers, taken a good look at his furniture and ruled out the possibility of hidden compartments, and found-- can you believe it-- not __one naughty drawing, dirty magazine, visual depiction of illicit affairs… Nothing! Not even a condom!_

I drum my fingers against the top of his dresser. Okay, I know Ryou has naughty drawings. I've walked in enough times on him blushing and hiding them to make a pretty damn good guess on what he was drawing. I also know he has condoms, since we've used quite a few boxes full, but that's beside the point. 

Ever since the fiasco with the 'toy chest' Ryou found under my bed at Isis's party… well, I'm on a mission to prove my boyfriend's not as innocent and naïve as he seems. Now, if I were something naughty of Ryou's, where would I be hiding…?

I can think of quite a few interesting places I'd like to be if I were something of Ryou's, but most of them are on his person and not a good place to start looking. Or think about. Especially think about. Not unless I want to momentarily abandon my quest in favor of making good use of the bed… The bed!

Yes! That's it! I dive to towards it, like they do in those action movies, and promptly recall how unrealistic movies can be as I hit the floor with a rather impressive 'thump'. "…ow…"

I rest limply on the floor for a few minutes, waiting for my chest to stop stinging. My eyesight focuses in on a lone piece of lint, resting on the carpet with deceptive innocence. Bastard. I will utterly destroy that malevolent piece of fuzz… But not now. Later. First…

I go to reach my hands under the bed, then pause. A few moments later, I begin groping around in the dark corners under what is perhaps my favorite piece of furniture in Ryou's house, a long latex glove clinging to my arm (you know, just in case I've misjudged Ryou and missed a huge pile of dust he's shoved under there). 

…Nothing… nothing… nothing… "Damn i-- ow!"

My fingers connect, quite painfully, with something hard and cool. I pull it out from under the bed and sit up. It's a medium-sized gray metal box, the very same box that's soon to be the bane of my existence.

"I wonder what he keeps in here," I ask myself. No, some demented voice in the back of my head doesn't answer me. And I thank the Gods everyday I'm not quite _that _off my rocker. …Well, not everyday, but I'm sure you get the picture. Anyway, sometimes I just like to say something when I'm alone to break the silence. …Don't give me that look; you know you do it too.

Back to the box. Me shaking the box… Pounding on the box… Hitting the box against things… Trying to pry it open… Attempting to gnaw through the seemingly impervious metal with my teeth.

"Pfft," I turn my head and make a face. Ugh. In case you were wondering, metal doesn't taste all that great. Then, I throw down the box in frustration.

"Why is it locked!"

It feels good to vent my building annoyance at the box. With that out of the way, I try to think about the situation rationally. A locked box under Ryou's bed… Well, if it's locked, there has to be a key somewhere.

If I were Ryou, I would keep the key in a safe box in a Swiss bank… Thankfully, I'm sure Ryou doesn't know any Swiss banks. And if he kept the key on him, I would've noticed it already. So the key is most likely in his room. …Where, though…

I carefully begin picking through his things, trying not to push everything terribly out of place. …Must find key… …Must find key… …Must find key… …Must find key… …Must find key…

Twenty minutes later, I'm sitting in the middle of his floor, panting, and his room looks like a tornado passed through it. …Eh, if I'm lucky, maybe he won't notice my redecorating job. I could try to put everything back where it was originally… but I don't remember, so it'll go where I think it belongs. That picture of me in a frilly apron, covered head to toe in batter and frosting during a baking attempt (my one and only) that went horribly awry, for instance… that belongs dropped behind Ryou's dresser.

Now… the key to the box… I can't just leave this thing alone. And if Ryou has it locked, it's because he doesn't want anyone (probably me) to see it, so I can't _ask _him. But I need to know what's in it! 

Okay, if the key isn't in his room, it's got to be somewhere in the rest of the house. So I begin my hunt for the elusive--

***

"What," he begins with a pained expression, "does this have to do with the question I asked?"

"I'm getting to that!" I scowl at him. Damn police officer, interrupting me… "Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. So I'm in his father's bedroom, because that reminds me of the time Ryou and I--"

"Look," he cuts me off (again! Jerk off…). "I was called here because the neighbor saw some stranger running around the Bakura house naked, holding his hands in the air and screaming his head off. All I asked was _why…"_

"And I told you-- because my hands hurt."

"Yes, but why?"

"Because I burned them."

"…How?" He sounds frustrated now. Good.

"Again, I told you-- it all starts with a locked--"

"Hello? What's going on in here…?"

Oh, good. "Ryou! In here!"

My white-haired boyfriend walks into the room, looking adorably befuddled. How can I resist? I stand and walk over to him, leaning over to give Ryou a kiss.

"Sir!"

Ryou neatly side-steps me, and my arms flail as I regain my balance and stop myself from kissing the floor instead. Bastard cop needs to learn when to just shut up…

"Yes? Is there a problem, officer?"

"I received a report about a young man running around your house naked and found him. Do you know this young man?"

I frown at Ryou as a pause drags on. "…Ryou," I prod him.

"…Yes…" He sounds just as pained as the officer did before. "I know him. I'm sorry for whatever problems he's caused."

The cop jumps up to leave. "Well, in that case, if you don't need me for anything else…"

"No, thank you."

"Have a nice day!" The man scrambles out of the house with a haste that makes me pleased. Annoyed him that much, did I? And I wasn't even trying…

"Malik," Ryou says, rounding on me. "Why were you here while I was at school? And why were you nak-- No, never mind. Don't answer that. Just tell me why you were here."

"Cleaning," I answer promptly. "What was with that silence when that cop asked if you knew me?"

"You call _this _cleaning?" Ryou surveyed the mess in his living room, then sighed. "I was debating whether or not to admit that the crazy Egyptian that most likely drove him out of his mind is indeed my boyfriend."

"Of course I am. Suffering from selective amnesia again?" 

"Yes. Now… go finished getting dressed and clean everything up while I get a snack, change my clothes, and start my homework."

"How about we both get naked and make a different, more fun kind of mess first?"

"No."

"Why not?" I grumble and start straightening out Ryou's living room. My mission was unsuccessful, I couldn't open the damn locked box, and now I don't get sex…

"Malik!"

I walk into the kitchen where Ryou is. "Yes?"

"…What is… this?" He gestures to the makeshift rack over his stove and the stupid box.

"I made that to hold that damnable box over the stove flames… I was trying to see if I could melt the lock off."

"…Oh." Ryou looks perplexed, but isn't pushing the issue.

After a moment, I offer helpfully, "I wouldn't touch it if I were you. Heated metal is… hot." I nod and hold up my bandaged hands in explanation.

Ryou quickly grabs my hands gently in his. "How did I miss this…? Do they hurt very much?"

"They would hurt even less if I had sex to distract me."

He drops my hands immediately. "Is that all you think about?"

"No," I answer, then scowl. "I also think about that fucking locked box."

"Why?"

"Because it's locked! And I don't know what's in it!"

Ryou lets out a sigh and tentatively touches the box. "Not too warm…" 

He picks up the box and walks upstairs. I follow him. "Where are we going?"

"Here." He walks into his room, eyebrows drawing together at the sight. "You cleaned in here too…?"

"First place I started."

"I see," Ryou says. He picks up a key off of his nightstand and sticks it in the lock, turning it.

"…Oh." I scratch the back of my neck.

"I don't see how you missed this."

"Well, everyone can't be perfect you know… but I come pretty damn close."

"If you say so." Before I can say 'I do,' Ryou moves aside and gestures to the open box. "If you're so curious… look."

I dive onto the bed and into the box with all the grace, dignity, and solemnity I can muster (which isn't much) and search through its contents. "Napkin, bit of wrapping paper, a condom wrapper… What is all of this? This is your dirty little secret? Don't tell me you've become a pack rat…" I say, disappointed.

"I'll tell you… but you have to promise not to laugh."

Ryou's cheeks are pink, and I'm intrigued again. "I won't."

"Well… I know it's sentimental, really… but it's a box of firsts."

"A box of firsts?"

"Yes. Like… um, the napkin. It's from our first date… After you got us kicked out of that nice restaurant and we went to a fast food place to eat."

I huff. "That wasn't my fault! It was the damn waiter! It's not _my _fault he couldn't see all the spots on the spoon! If they just would've let me in the back, I could've properly washed everything… And don't even get me started on that fast food joint."

Ryou kisses my cheek. "Don't worry, I won't. At least I got something to eat that night."

"Anyway, what about the rest of this? Like… the condom wrapper." I grin as his blush deepens.

"I'm sure you can figure out what first _that is…"_

"All right, all right… How about the wrapping paper?" I hold up the scrap of shiny silver paper. I can't remember this one at all…

"It's… from the present I gave to you on your birthday."

"The first present you gave me? Or our first birthday together?"

"No, the first time I realized I love you."

"…Oh," I say with a blink. I hadn't expected that… I look down at the box, then push it to the side. I stand up with a smile and pull Ryou towards me, pressing our lips together in a long, slow kiss.

"…Mm…" Ryou's eyes flutter open again a few moments after I break the kiss. He places a quick kiss on my cheek before asking, "That wasn't just to butter me up before you laugh, was it?"

I groan. "No! …I wouldn't laugh at you."

"Well, there was that time-"

"Fine," I cut him off. "I wouldn't laugh at _this. It's… sweet," I admit._

"Really?"

"Yeah."

A half hour and few dozen kisses later, Ryou and I are both comfortably cuddled on his bed. "…Let's stay here for a while like this…" Ryou says.

"Like using me as a pillow?"

"Of course. My favorite and most comfortable pillow…" He stretches up to kiss my cheek, then resettles himself against me. "Let's just nap for a bit…"

"We can do that." I pet his hair gently, my eyes closed, and we're both silent for a while. Unfortunately, silence gives me time to think. And now that the locked box mystery is cleared up… I'm thinking about the mess I made trying to open the box.

"…Where are you going?"

Damn. I had hoped Ryou wasn't up. I turn towards him, already standing, and give him an innocent look. "Me?"

"Yes, you."

"Go back to bed."

"You first."

"Oh fine… I was going to clean."

"Malik!" He sounds exasperated.

"What? You told me to clean up before…"

"Yes, but I didn't-- That is I-- Oh, never mind." He rolls over with a sigh and curls up. "Just wake me in an hour, okay?"

"Got it." I kiss his cheek. "Have a nice nap."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

I wait for a few minutes to make sure Ryou's fallen asleep, then I pick up my cleaning supplies, which are still in his bedroom, and grin. There's a piece of lint that's been bugging me…

~~The End! Tell me what you think, please? (Does anyone else see them acting like this or am I alone?)


End file.
